A Decision

Yesterday I went no mail on the romantic novelists loop. It felt strange - for about 12 years, I've read the emails every day. The RNA are a lovely bunch of writers - very supportive. They offer chat, gossip, debate about the art of writing, tips about the market (some of which made me money) advice and commiseration. Although I didn't often post, I felt part of a group. I had never understood sport - when Andy says about his football team: 'We won!' I think of Jerry Seinfeld shrugging and saying: 'No, the players won. You watched from the sofa!' Then I went to Manchester and watched the romantic novelists team on University Challenge, and suddenly understood that feeling of vicarious pride. 'We won!'

So why drop out now? Well, I think I've finally, finally, finally given up on the dream. When I first started to write, like so many authors, I thought I'd knock out 4 or 5 Mills & Boon a year and live the life of Riley. Ha, ha, ha!! It was such a wonderful idea, except for one small problem. I don't understand Mills & Boon and never will. I may well write a book which contains a love story, but I will never be a successful contemporary romance author because my head doesn't inhabit that world and what's more, I don't want it to!

So what's next? Er...

I am swotting for the maths exam, but I'd like to go back to reviewing my writing class notes as soon as possible. A thorough review and a fresh start.

I could get to like maths. What a shame I was so badly taught. I see what it's about now. I don't have the hours to spare to learn any more than scraping through the exam (due to dyslexia, at least 10 X longer than other people, don't forget) but it's lovely to be at peace with the subject.